My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
