could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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