Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
