Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize