if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
