I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
