I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
