Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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