Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
