She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Dignity is for republicans.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
