I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
