piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
