he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize