Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
