I murdered the dance floor call the cops
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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