I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
