hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
