I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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