It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
