Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Randomize
