ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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