I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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