weddingsv make me drug and hornr
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
