Where did you get a picture of my penis
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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