Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
