my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
