You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
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