One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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