it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
