I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
