i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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