I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
