Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
