Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
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