happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
