i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
