and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
