Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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