Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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