Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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