There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
i am craving dick and cupcakes
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
