Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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