Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
