Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize