YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
