i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
