it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize