I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
