You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
No stitches, just platelets and will power
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
