he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
We had sex on a dog bed..
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
