They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
