what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
