sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize