i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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