I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
