Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
