Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
