Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
