I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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