I hate all girls vehemently.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
