just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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