you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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