Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
