Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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