how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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