you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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