Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
