pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
