So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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