I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
