Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
