he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
