he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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