This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
