I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
