i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
