she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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