My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Im part way to drunk.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
