you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
